Slimdown Sundays - I hit my 1st HUGE goal!!!

Well, I am not 200 pounds as I had hoped for...

I am UNDER 200 pounds!!!  199 to be exact!  This week I lost a total of 1.8 which makes a grand total of 26 pounds!

Am I ecstatic?  Oh YES!!!  I will NEVER be 200 pounds again, never. 

Now on to the next big goal of 1/2 way.  4 more pounds to go to be halfway to 60 total pounds.

Slimdown Sunday...On WEDNESDAY???

Yes, that's right.  It is Wednesday.  But I was out of town for the weekend, had a great time by the way, and then the unthinkable happened:  our home phone, TV, and Internet service were down!  For over 24 hours we didn't have any of these!  And let me tell you, living off the "grid" as they call it, is harder than you think.  I realize how obsessed with technology I am.  But the biggest thing is my business.  I work from home and it was a massive problem to have no phone and internet.

I hate our provider and they did not disappoint this time.  When I called they said it would be 5, yes FIVE, days till they could get out and fix it.  I told them that was unacceptable and we would be switching services.  This is the last straw.  I wasn't even saying it to get someone out here faster, I was just annoyed.  And usually I am very easy going and am never rude to customer service people.

Someone did come by yesterday and it took him all of 10 minutes to replace a piece that had corroded.  He told me he has been doing a ton of that lately since everyone's "piece" has been corroded.  Way to go (I'll keep things kosher and leave out the name) company!!! Once again, you haven't let me down.

During my time of no technology I finally got around to organizing those pictures that have been piling up for 2 1/2 years.  Yes, my 16 month old is finally in a few albums and frames!  Not a bad turnaround time; 16 months.  Good thing we won't be having a third or it might take 10 years before he is in a frame.

On to the results.  So I am not below 200.  But I didn't gain.  Considering I ate quite a bit off the plan, drank like it was my first weekend away without my kids in 4 years, and the most activity I did was walk from the bar to our table and from the parking lot at the ski lodge to the hot tub.  I did sweat a little in the steam room and the sauna, but I guess not enough.  This week for sure.  On Sunday I WILL be under 200 pounds!

And lastly, when Jaylen woke up from his nap yesterday and all was right in the world so I was back sitting at my computer,

he asked, "Your computer is fixed?"

And I said, "Yes!"

He asked, "Can it get broken again?"

Which means that I do need to do a reality check and make sure my computer does not get more attention than my kids.  I really have to limit myself.  Maybe this was meant to be so I would get that...

*****Update! I just realized it is Time Out for Theta Mom Thursdays!  How perfect is it that my trip coincided? We are supposed to all take some time out for ourselves and that is just what I did!*****

Comment Moderation!

This will be very brief.  My good friend Jen (a regular reader and comment poster) at Autism, The King, and I just told me that a comment of hers wasn't showing up on my blog.  I was confused.  So I went to Intense Debate, the comment system I use and saw 22 comments I didn't realize I need to approve!  So I apologize profusely if you commented and it didn't show up.  I NEVER don't put up or remove a post unless it is extreme spam.

It should be all cleared up now!  I apologize again!

Girl's Weekend!!! My 1st in FOUR years!

I am getting so unbelieveably excited about ym girl's weekend.  All my UConn girls and I are headed to Vermont for a ski weekend.  Even though I won't be skiing, just enjoying hot cocoa and maybe a little something extra in the lodge!  I have not gotten away for a leisure trip in over 4 years.  This is long overdue!



BUT, I am still sad and nervous about leaving the boys.  My husband and Aunt D will do a great job I am sure, but it is still a little scary for me to leave them.

A parting note:
Dear Daddy and Aunt D,

• please don't forget to feed and water my babies
• don't forget that they still poop and pee in their plastic underwear and they need to be changed, especially Xavi who gets horrible diaper rash
• don't get too angry with them for not listening
• and play, play, play!

I will miss you this weekend my dear family, but I am packed and ready to go!!!

Really? You don't know where we keep the vacuum!!??

If I could change these things...

• when I go to start a day's worth of laundry and I realize I haven't even put away the laundry from last time  

• that my husband doesn't know where our vacuum is, and our 3 year old with Autism tells him where it is

• stay at home moms who don't work at all, have a nanny, and a housekeeper (BTW, if this describes you, please don't be offended, I am not hating on you, it is pure jealousy!)

• that my family single-handedly keeps the battery companies in business with all of these damn toys

• that no matter how many pacifiers I buy, no matter how many, there are never any pacis to be found!

• that I have not made time to get one single picture of my 2nd child in an album or frame

• when I finish sweeping and by the time I get back from putting the broom away there is an entire sea of Pringles and Goldfish crumbs everywhere

There is definitely more to add to this list, but I'll keep it at that for now!

Slimdown Sundays - Didn't get down to 200

I was close, really close... 

I lost 1.8 pounds this week, not too shabby!  And I would say that for sure next week I can definitely lose that .8, but I am going away with my UConn girls for the weekend and that means lots of food and some drinking.  I rarely drink, but will probably let loose since it will be my first time away in over 4 years!!!  I can't wait, even though I know it may affect my weight loss.  But I will try to be good all week so I can have a little wiggle room.

So next week's edition will be on Monday.  We'll see if I can break that 200 mark!

Rest in Peace Layla Grace

I must warn you, this is an extremely sad post.  So if you are not interested in feeling down, please skip this one and come back for my next post.

I have been truly, truly heartbroken by the passing of Layla Grace Marsh.  If you don't know her story you can read her mom's blog at www.LaylaGrace.org or read her mom's Twitter posts at http://twitter.comlaylagrace.  But once again, I warn you, it is not for the light hearted.

I have never really used my blog as a diary to just let my feelings out, but I feel the need to today. As I said, I have been struggling with the illness and death of this baby girl and think that I need to let my feelings out.

At the end, which was so terrible, according to her mom and dad's posts and tweets, I was feeling their pain, but only the tiniest fraction of what they must have felt.  How do you sit there comforting your dying child? How did her parents take turns comforting her knowing it was the last few days, hours, minutes, they had with their sweet baby girl?  And she knew they were there but she could no longer move or talk.  How can anyone deal with that?  They are very, very strong people.

I also wonder how Layla felt?  Was she sad?  Was she in so much pain she just wanted it to end?  Did she know what was about the happen?  Was she comforted knowing the two people who loved her most in this world were there?

I was just wishing for either a sudden miracle, or at least asking for the pain to stop.  But when the latter of the two did happen, it didn't help too much.  Now the family has to figure out how to move forward.  How do you possibly move forward after the death of a child, especially one that was so long and filled with pain and frustration?  They all fought so hard for so long and things still ended horribly.  Their other two daughters have been away so that Layla could pass at home with just her parents.  And Layla's mom was talking about how the younger daughter just won't get it, she will just miss having her little sister around.  I think of my two boys and how close they are after only 15 months together.  I can't imagine how much they would miss each other, especially if they don't understand why.  Layla's mom just tweeted this morning that her younger daughter told the dog not to bark because he would wake up Layla.  That is just heart wrenching. Their lives have just been completely changed forever.

There is comfort in the fact that there is no more pain, I just wish, along with everyone else, that the pain had stopped because the cancer went away.  Her mom was wondering who would take care of her baby in heaven, and that is a great question.  I am not a person of true faith, but am beginning to understand why people are.  It would be so much easier for me if I believed that this baby was happy in heaven right now.  An angel looking down on us.  But still, wouldn't she be looking down at her family wishing she was with them?  As you can see, this is just truly breaking my heart.  And I have never met Layla or her family.

Some of my friends who I have confided in about my feelings have said one positive is that her death brought a lot of good. So many people, including me, are going to remember her and live better lives.  I will be a better mother now.  People are more aware of this horrible cancer now.  But I still don't believe that the cost was worth the means on this one.

Please do not feel as though you have to comment.  I know this is an extremely depressing post and am questioning way too much.  And I am sure some people will wonder why I am making such a big fuss over someone I don't know.  But I know I am not alone.  Reading many other blog posts about Layla and tweets let me know that she has touched many, many people the way she touched me.

Just keep this angel and her family in your thoughts and prayers.

******** Update: I felt a little weird pushing "post" on this one because it was so candid.  These are my true thoughts.  I have already gotten some great feedback, mostly private.  And I want everyone to know I am ok, not depressed or anything, just sad.  And I am not alone!  I have talked to so many other moms yesterday and today who are feeling exactly the same, if not worse.  Several people couldn't even sleep last night and can't eat.  I think another problem I have is that I like to make everyone happy.  I hate when I can't help make someone feel better. And I know that in this situation there is nothing I can do, nothing.  Also, I was following Layla's story for a while, so it has been a long sad journey, with a heart breaking end. ************

Slimdown Sundays - Back DOWN!!!

 

I am back down!  This week I lost 3.6 pounds.  Which I am only counting as 2.8 because of my gain of .8 last week.  I am back on big time.  And so close to that 200 pound mark.  I think I can do it this week.  I just have to keep focused on that goal.  Only 2.4 to see 200 on that scale for the last time!!!

Mommy, am I Black?

Well, I knew that one day that question would come.  But now?  He is 3, has Autism, and a speech delay!  It caught me extremely off guard.  I wasn't quite ready for it, obviously.  I have thought about how i will approach the subject when he is older, but now?

He must have heard it from someone as PreK or who knows, maybe my husband said something.  He isn't home so I can't ask him.

What is the right response to that?

Here was my answer, "Yes.  You are mixed.  Mommy is white and Daddy is black, so you are partly black.  Does that make sense?"

The long pause while I wait for all sorts of other questions and understanding well beyond his years.  I am expecting a profound comment.

Waiting, waiting, and finally, "Can I watch Backyardigans Racing Day?"

"Of course you can bud, of course you can."

Guess I better start preparing for that talk about the birds and bees...